Lent was a difficult time in my life this year. For forty long days and forty even longer nights, I managed to keep myself from scrolling through twitter or facebook home feeds. I do think Jesus, Mary and the donkey are all great, but I didn't really do it for them if I'm being honest. They had half of Ireland abstaining from Dairy Milk, much to the displeasure of Mr. and Mrs. Cadbury who were forced to live on Tesco value baked beans for the month, so I didn't feel my sacrifice could really add much to the cause. I did it more to see if I could repair the repetitive strain injury that has been slowly developing at the base of my right thumb for the past year. I feel the main source of blame here rests with pre-school teachers for not beating ambidexterity into me when I was young and pliable. Since Snake and Snake II came into my life circa 2003, I have been exercising my right thumb for about two hours a day (give or take. Mostly give). The fallout is only just beginning I fear.
Anyway, apart from checking notifications and replying to direct messages, I managed to succeed with my insane mission. It was tough. There were times when I was sure I wouldn't make it. At one point I was so desperate to know what Amy Huberman and BOD were having for dinner that I developed a probability algorithm based on offers of the week in M&S, the temperature in Dublin and popularity ratings per dish calculated through assignment of points for protein content, organic sourcing and environmental sustainability. I'm not sure how well it worked though...I can't really see Brian tucking into a beetroot and bean salad for four consecutive days, as my program predicted. Some adjustments needed before I sell it to the masses.
Anyway, this week after the Easter break, I was back in business. After a marathon catch-up session on Twitter, I eventually got stuck into content from this decade. The following post caught my attention, hitting me from all angles, forcing me to investigate further.
I'm sure at this stage you've all taken a shot at solving the bugger. I saw it and went 'Math! I can math. I can math real good. Lets do this. Come at me brah. Bring all yo money'...and so on and so forth. Ever since my dentist fitted my grill, I've been finding it increasingly difficult to approach life without a passive aggressive attitude. I really need to watch myself.
ANYWAY! A bit of background to the problem - I gather the thing went viral about a week ago. It's a maths problem from a school in Singapore. Many will remember it in years to come as the soul destroying time when most of the western world realised that 14 year old kids in Singapore had superior cognitive function to them. Prozac and fish oil sales skyrocketed and the hardcore high achievers shipped their offspring off to Southeast Asia, for the good of the human race. It was traumatic. I went through the guts of half a refill pad and spent at least twenty minutes solving the thing. Ultimately the sense of achievement when I finally got it was nice....but I have some ongoing concerns that I feel need addressed.
Firstly, it's rather unusual for a girl to just make friends with two lads. I assume, seeing as the first question they ask her is her age, that they are either in school still, or have been dragged up and have no concept of what is an inappropriate question to ask a lady. For the sake of a keen hope in the standards of humanity, we will base further analysis on the assumption that the lads are indeed just kids. Now, having been a kid myself, I find the concept of a girl befriending two boys totally alien. In reality if she said hello they would have chased her up the field with hurleys. So from the get go, the question is absurd.
Secondly, this is 2015. Even if they did decide to enjoy each others company, there is no way the three of them spent more than a minute together without whipping out their phones to give each other the add on facebook. At which point they would have seen not only Cheryls birth date, but also her relationship status, her extended family, preferred reading material, embarrassing celebrity crushes and the last time she checked in at the gym. Go Cheryl.
Thirdly, I've never met a child with self assurance as developed as Cheryl's. When one meets two new lads, one does not coyly lick ones lips and present them with a brain boggling conundrum. Normal people are too preoccupied with the state of their hair and whether they have food in their teeth to come up with ridiculous mind teasers. And what ten year old has the presence of mind to play the lads off each other, planting material so that the guy with the higher IQ will eventually be revealed and thus a potential suitor identified. It's just all a bit unrealistic, no?
Finally, what Singaporean couples are going around naming their kids Cheryl, Albert and Bernard? I'm all for embracing foreign culture and all the rest of it but...ah here!
